Thursday, October 22, 2009

Pointless Preview: 10/22 vs Phoenix Coyotes

Chris was having some computer issues so I thought I'd give this a try...

Here's my "other" way to compare the two teams playing in the desert tonight:

Category #1: 3rd Jersey


Detroit: Not technically a third jersey, Detroit donned these in one regular season game after the Winter Classic. Will we see them again this year? No one knows. Awesome mix of old school and new school. An ode to the 1920’s Detroit Falcons Cougars, this jersey helps remind us of our long and colorful history littered with success.
Phoenix: What is that? A puppy dog? This has to be one of the lamest and most un-intimidating logos in existence today…


That is except for Helsinki Jokerit…Leino’s old team, good grief.  The dude is even winking.  I know for a fact that it makes at least one person uncomfortable.

Winner: Detroit

Category #2: Franchise saved by Gary Bettman?

Winner: Phoenix…by a landslide. The only reason Phoenix still has a hockey team is because Bettman hates Jim Balsillie. Gary’s little pet project in the desert continues to his delight.

When the Wings were beating up on Gary’s Penguins (another team Balsillie tried to buy and was rejected)...



Gary not so happy.

Category #3: Team Success
Detroit Conference Championships

1935–36, 1936–37, 1942–43, 1949–50, 1950–51, 1951–52, 1952–53, 1953–54, 1954–55, 1956–57, 1964–65, 1994–95, 1995–96, 2001–02, 2003–04, 2005–06, 2007–08

Detroit Division Championships

1994, 1995, 1996 1999, 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009

Phoenix

Finished 2nd the Pacific Division in 1999 & 2002

Winner: Duh

Category #4: Biggest Mystery on team

Detroit has...

Filppula..blonde hair, dark eyebrows….w-w-w-w-what?




Phoenix has...

Robert Lang: The Enigma




Winner: Lang…sucked on Detroit but inexplicably does well while playing against them, giving us one more reason to hate the man to death. Plus your name is Robert Lang...there is NO WAY your English should be that bad. One good aspect of Robert Lang being with the Wings is saving us from defending Mike Green’s fauxhawk (we traded the pick he was chosen at to acquire the Enigma).

Tie-breaker: Player who should actually be on the Nashville Predators

Phoenix

Vernon Fiddler…come on, Music Town? Fiddler? That was a match made in heaven, he should never have left.  (He's on Phoenix now for those of you who don't have a clue who I'm talking about.)

Detroit

Jason Williams…he’s played for Detroit, Chicago, and Columbus…only missing Nashville and St. Louis...Central Division ho'.


Winner: Scott Hartnell…you will always be a Predator to me. Look at the guy, he’s an animal…literally. He throws gloves like a turd slinging monkey, bites Penguins, and sure as hell lets his soul-glo. A Predator for life…no matter who you play for.



Prediction: Wings win 4-1. The Flying Circus runs amuck (as usual) and Bryzgalov looks surprisingly human…reminding us all of what we never should have forgotten: the fact that Phoenix sucks.

9 comments:

  1. Harnell is an animal...don't forget nobody wanted bryzgalov last year and he randomly signed with Phoenix. And lang is gay.

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  2. Chris in Hockey HellOctober 22, 2009 at 2:35 PM

    Hartnell may be an "animal", but I seem to have this fond memory of a one-punch, nose-bloodying fight between him and Fisch (with Fisch winning, naturally). Hey, you think Vernon Fiddler is a match made in Hockey Hell, then try on minor league goalie Chet Pickard on for size. How much more redneck does that name get?

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  3. I agree with Kadz that Lang is gayier than a two dollar bill, but he is hands down, the best player in the show from the bottom of the circles to the goal line. You take that area away from him, and he is a lazy piece of shit.

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  4. The Red Wings' Winter Classic jersey was based on the 1926 Detroit COUGARS, not Falcons. You were one name change off.

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  5. Hartnell = Oglethorpe

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  6. The Winter Classic jersey just screams "We are bad asses." Much more so than the puppies. As far as the Joker, at least it is creepy enough to give you nightmares. Kind of like Leino actually...

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  7. The winking haunts my dreams. Its worse than that time I lived with a guy named Eric who spelled his name with a 'K'

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