Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Poppin Cherries & Wings vs. Rangers

As some of Drew’s readers know, he’ll be gone for a couple weeks, as the lucky bastard has tickets for the Wings games in Sweden. So he asked me to fill in for a few days. Yes, I’m Drew’s former goaltender during our college hockey years, so right off the back you know I must be a little off. And just to top it off, I’m now working on my third degree (J.D) at the Ohio State University. A goalie and a Buckeye, lucky you eh? I’m a shit writer, I know it, but hey, there is other blogs out there, so you don’t like it, you can read those till Drew gets back. And, at least I'm not talking about Corsi numbers. Think of the positives here.

Anyways, as so famously promised, here’s a few thoughts on the game last night and other random musings.

09/21/09 Rangers – 4 Wings – 2

  • I got to the game early in the second period, and by that time, the Rangers were on Power Play #27. And up 3-1. I heard Eville had a nice goal, but apparently, Stuart shit himself a few times in the first. And some commentators were angry at Kindl. Don’t know much else, because it seems that the NY station that I was streaming from hasn’t ever heard of replaying goals after the period they are scored in.
  • Wow is it nice just to watch hockey again, even if it is on my laptop and have to consistently find new streams as they die faster than Billy Mays alone in a room of blow.

  • Speaking of which, since I now am a resident of the drive-thru state, I was planning on for sure getting NHL Center Ice to watch the Wings. However, as a Time Warner subscriber, it looks like the NHL and Time Warner have yet to reach an agreement. Hey Bettman, how about you go in the corner and die?
  • Larsson is a certified midget. Can he even touch the crossbar? The Wings should hire Nogoalov to teach the kid a thing or two. Learn how to deal with his size issues. Just watch the video, the kid can’t be scored on. Ok, just saw a reply on Canadian TV and while none of the goals were bad goals, it would have been nice of him to get one. He probably needs one more year down in GR at least, give him some time to grow a little.

  • Ryno looked good. Another huge Swede. He’s got some hands and looks way too much like a combo of Frazen and Big E out there. He’ll be a hell of a player in a couple years. Plus he’s like 6’100’’ or something like that.
  • Can Filppula not put on size? He’s getting more and more confidence with the puck, but man, he still has the strength of a 10 year old girl.

  • The Rangers announcers were all over Gaborik the entire game, as if he was walking on water himself. All I can tell you is that, while talented at hockey, his true skill is aerobatics.

  • Speaking of groin injuries, Jesus, as the Triple Deke pointed out earlier, is it even possible to have 3 groin injuries on the same team this early? Bertuzzi, Zetterberg and Clearly, all out right now with groin injuries. ALL ON THE SAME LINE. It’s almost as contagious as herpes in the Ducks locker room.
  • The Rangers announcers also loved Andy Delmore and talked about him more than any Red Wing. Apparently he’s a big deal over in the Eastern Conference, which tells you all you need to know about the East.

  • In two hours, I get to meet with the Senior Vice President of the Columbus Blue Jackets. Should be interesting, as he’s serving as my adviser/mentor this year. I’m committed to consistently referring to the Jackets at the BJ’s in his presence.

  • Comment of the night at A2Y: JJ from Kansas with the following little ditty:

    I really hope Seal’s children grow up to be golf phenom and get a marketing deal with Taylor Made: “Taylor Made, the only clubs for baby Seals.”
  • The two NYR goaltenders are, along with the Manatee in Anaheim, two of the biggest cheaters in the league. Jesus, look at this tight rise.

    If they had pads that fit them, both Valiquette and Lundqvist would be exposed as the skill-less, soul-less goaltenders that they are.
  • After the prediction that he will score two goals in an entire season, Maltby shows the world that he has been sandbagging for the past 10 years and is actually a gifted sniper. Who knew?

  • Haha, I’m watching the Canucks/Flames, and there is an a commercial for regular scissors on right now. “Been struggling through life having to use your hands to tear your paper apart? Well Canada, do we have a treat for you...”
  • Back-up controversy? I’m as big of a Howard supporter as there is, living in Grand Rapids the past few years, but with performances like that, Dan Cloutier might be worth another look. Plus, I uncovered an interesting factoid while studying tort law today...

    Since 1980, the Wings have never won the Cup without a goalie leading the team in wins during the regular season with a f’ed up mask. Notice:

    · In 95, Vernon lead the team with 15 wins. Normal helmet. Result? Lost to NJ in finals.
    · In 97, Ozzie led with 23 wins and again in 98, with 33 wins. Result? The Cup. Twice, bitches.
    · In 02, Hasek lead the team with 41 wins. Result? Yup, Cup #3.
    · In 08, Osgood and Hasek tied with 27 wins each, but each has a f’ed up bucket. Once again, the Cup was ours.
    · In 09, Conklin came in and won 26 games. You know the result. We Conkblocked ourselves…

    With that in mind, I hope that we see Dan ‘Beachball’ Cloutier again tomorrow at Philly. He only had 8 saves tonight, but he looked sharp. I’d love to see him and Howard split against the Flyers. Not saying I’m convinced yet, but I’m not against it either. Plus he already dropped his glove in the first 5 minutes on the ice in an altercation with Voros. I enjoy a goalie that doesn’t dive with every slight slash to his chest, arm, or whatever (this means you Osgood). However, I do like goalies that can stop a puck from center ice (this means you Dan.)
  • Wings play again tomorrow at 7 at Philly.
Well, that’s it, took longer to post the thing than it took to write it. I look forward to throwing a few thoughts at you guys along the way. Hopefully Cloutier (it's sad that I think the longshot of a backup goalie is our enforcer) shortens the life of Pronger tonight. Go Wings!


  1. "Plus, I uncovered an interesting factoid while I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE studying tort law today..."

    There, fixed.

  2. Were commas on sale during the time you wrote the first paragraph?

  3. Very interesting helmet study there.

    I too noticed the lack of replays during intermission as they were uncomfortably holding a three-person whack fest in Gaborik's name. I'm too used to an elongated diagram of each goal from Mickey, accompanied with enough "hold it right there, gang"s to make the intermission feel like a 45 minute break.

    - Tyler

  4. Jesus, I loved those McDonald's commercials and thank my Time Warner-held Center Ice channels for ever having discovered them in the first place. I haven't giggled that hard at a Mickey D's commercial since I was convinced I saw Grimace groping Birdie.

    I have a feeling Filppula doesn't want his legs to get too big or he'll hurt his chance at getting a modeling deal with Speedo.

    Nice writeup. It's always good to get a strong start right out of the gate

  5. Nice first post stupid goalie, I like the effort. That is a great video post by the way.

  6. Eleven commas in the first paragraph. I'm not even mad with myself, I'm impressed.

  7. I was knew a short goalie who reminded some of a young Darren Pang, and he was really good...well he was alright...he did have a sweet do-rag.


  8. Also shouldn't it be Animal Drew and the Man Pretty S.O.B.? Just a suggestion.